#and or it works or horrible fails
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I now think that the Dandadan is going to be the MLP Canterlot wedding power thing
But with Okarun and Momo. Why? IDK. I just think that it would be funny??? I guess????
And if you guys know what happens after the sparkles then you guys would know why I think it would be funny kjsdsgjgs
Also yea. Shining Armor and Cadance are the pony versions of Okarun and Momo. No, I don't take criticism!
#the babosa is talking#idea#stupid post#stupid stuff#like i just imgen this#and momo and okarun are like ¨will blast you away with our love¨#and or it works or horrible fails#wtf is dandadan#dandadan#ddd#dan da dan#momo ayase#okarun#ken takakura#ayase momo#momokarun#dandadan spoilers#gif#mlp#my little pony
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saw someone saying something like "do you really think veilguard story would be better if you could do evil choices?" and actually yeah. i think if they let us act more like the dreadwolf on the "you are a paralellism to the dreadwolf" game, it would be more significant when the story tells you "you are a bit like him/you are nothing like him" because , thats how you chosed to play it.
#like i think the game could be good without the evil choices. but i would like a choice at all tho.#it can be just pragmatical vs idealist it can be about how much would you be able to give or sacrifice#how the game is now when you lose people it feels more like you failed more than you sacrificed them#veilguard critical#also#i can see all his memories and judge him in veilguard#but the thing that really made me be on his shoes#was the inquisition mission In Hushed Whispers#where you wake up in a horrible world and you just want the old one back#da4 spoilers#da4#dragon age#stuff like the emmrich mission i thought it was gonna be a paralelism to solas#of “would you sacrifice your people in order for you to have more power to save others?”#“would you move on from the dead or try to get it back ?” like it worked both ways#there was a moment in game i thought all the companion missions were thematicly connected to the themes of the plot#but idk the themes are there but at the same time there are not idk how to explain it#when varric is like “you are not like solas!!!” doesnt really work for me when its impossible to be like him#it never worked for me when charas in videogame tells you “you are X” for things that you are forced to do in game#and its always a gut punch or very satisfying when you actually chosed to do them#anyways im rambling
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Did I accidently write more than just a few lines of dialogue for this scene?... *shyly fumbling with fingers* 🥹👉👈 maybe...
Sorry, I suck at words and this isn't betaread nor properly proofread and I am not native english, I'm very sorry in advance...
full story down below
(Chappel Roan - Love me Anyway)
(Benson Boone - Slow it Down)
"VICE-CAPTAIN!!!!"
The tiny moving plush-like thing in his hand apparently started screaming as well now.
"WHY ALWAYS MEEE!?!?"
What looked like the chibi mini-version of the Defence Force's biggest trump card, struggled to hold on his thumb, kicking around those little feet of his.
"Well, now I'm quite curious abut THAT story..."
"I CAN'T TURN BACK AND I AM T I N Y !!! (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )"
"I see that... How'd you even get in here?"
Tiny #8 stopped fidgeting a bit. Instead two unproportionally big round dark eyes goggled at him. It was undeniably adorable to look at. "Well after THIS happened, I couldn't grab my phone on the table anymore, so I ran around to find someone, but I figured Narumi and Kikoru would very likely take advantage of my situation and do something stupid with me."
"Oh yeah, they definitely would and I get why, honestly."
"So I ran around to find you, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW BIG THE 1st DIVISION IS, WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS, OK?! And then I saw the slightly opened window and just crawled in... ༼☯﹏☯༽"
"Wait... you know where my temporary place in the 1st Division is located? Why?"
"....Coincidence? (*゚ー゚) "
He sighed. "Well just when you think you saw everything...Kafka Hibino enters the stage..."
"SIR, WHAT SHOULD I DO?? WHY ARE THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME??"
"you really want me to answer that, bud?", he barely tried to hide the undertone of his voice, which left the small creature on the palm of his hand baffled for a second.
"Wha-? HEY, MEAN!! What are you on about!?"(>д<)
"Yeah, maybe, I don't know STOP CHANGING in general, like I told you f.ex.. or maybe stick to your training routine without going OVERBOARD on a regular basis? How 'bout that?"
The big dark round eyes got even bigger with every word spoken.
"Yeah, don't look at me like that, I might coincidently got wind of stuff, you know?"
His unexpectedly open and emotional response threw Kafka off. For a second he forgot about his *tiny* main problem, his mind jumped between confused and worried and he couldn't comprehend with his reaction for now. After some awkward seconds in silence, Hoshina's tone grew significantly calmer, but still sort of off to his usual self-assured expression. "Well at least this time you're actually telling me about stuff that bothers you, huh?"
Silence again. While hanging from the palm of his Vice-Captain's hand Kafka realized something (besides his size) was different. His senses grew more aware of his surroundings to find answers.
"Are... are you drunk, sir?"
Besides the slight scent of alcohol in the air, and the - well quite obvious - bottle of sake on the table, the startled twitch on his face confirmed Kafka's guess was right. Other than the sake the only other thing on the table were some snacks. Another odd thing to Kafka, who was used to see Hoshina's surroundings stuffed with documents, loose papers, books and other work related things.
The silence lingered around them uncomfortably. To Kafka's suprise Hoshina was seemingly struggling with words. A look on his face Kafka couldn't remember seeing before. Now his mind definitely jumped to 'worried'.
Hoshina tried to mimic an insulted face and looked away. "A little tippsy at most... I'm off-duty for tonight.." Besides the slightly blushed nose and cheeks, Kafka now noticed some dark circles under red eyes. "..and despite my gut telling me better, I assumed I probably won't be needed anymore today, and that I could hang loose a little. It's not my Division after all, there's another Captain and Vice-Captain in charge here. So I might as well make use of that chance... Should have known, it would end up that way or another.. " He smiled a bit and Kafkas felt like his heart clenching from the sight. "Although I definitely should have placed my bet on YOU to be the reason for that." He chuckled lightly, while his expressions grew somewhat softer.
"I'm sorry, Sir."
"Nah, it's fine. As if I didn't get used to your-"
"I never put much thought to it, but ever since the Defence Force started preparing for the big counter attack on #9 your workload must've at least doubled in the 3rd and 1st Division.. and here I am still taking over the rest of your time as well..."
"Don't like where this is going, officer... You're not starting pitying me, are ya?"
"No I-...I just feel like.. I didn't realize, and there for not appreciated your work enough.." Silence. "And also.." The tiny kaiju had his look glued to the floor in front of him for a while now. "I know you told me to brush it off earlier but,... I truly regret ... not telling you about... #8 n'stuff.. I'm sorry... I'd change that if I could.."
A small plushy-sized Kaiju was gently put back on the ground again. Hoshina scratched his nose for a second, before bending far back to the other side of the room. He grabbed for his smartphone that was burried in piles of carelessly pushed aside documents.
"As I said. You're here now, aren't ya?" When he got his phone he chose to stay laid down on the floor and started typing something on the lightened screen.
A tiny transformed Kafka carefully made his way around and walked up on eye-level with Hoshina's face again. Once again overwhelmed by his current state of being, he let himself fall back on the floor and sat on the ground. "So... what should I do?"
"The first thing WE do is trying to make some calls. But since you seem to be in no life-threatening condition, we might have to wait 'till tomorrow for a first medical examination. If that's the case you'll stay, and I get you down to the lab first thing in the morning."
"Wait!" The tiny Kaiju made a suprisingly far jump right up to Hoshina's chest and pressed the (for him very big) red hang-up button on the screen with both paws. "You're right about that, I won't die this second from being tiny, so we might as well wait for tomorrow."
The questioning look on the opposite's face made a tiny Kafka look away and scratch his neck shyly. "Well, since you're ... I dunno,... I feel like, I can't have you be seen d-dru- .. like this by other officials of the 1st Division, b-because of me..."
A finger poked his forehead, which caused a tiny being like him to fall right back landing on warm soft fabric of Hoshina's shirt.
"Idiot. But you might be right about that."
#kn8#kaiju no 8#fanart#kafka hibino#soshiro hoshina#kafhoshi#kafhoshi pls come and calm my mind#I don't know why but I get a thing out of slightly fed up Hoshina.. he would never actually be pissed at kafka tho#but I always thought like.. boy this man can't have that much energy / caffeine for all the stuff he is responsible for at#and I love storylines that could theoretically fit into canon#went through my pile of shame aka. WIPs I abandoned#tried working on some and failed#sticked to this one then.#mediocre happy with both text and fanart#guess its because of my mood tho#I had some weird days I tell ya...#ADHD problems all the way#like i broke a piece of my tooth AND my car lol the irony#there would be days I'll handle these things better but I'm very much ignoring my problems rn#my dad felt the need to help out his “little girl” once more and took care of the car for me#I'm really thankful for it but at the same time I feel horrible 'cause I'm like 31 ;_; I should handle my own sht rn n I feel like I can't#also my HAND is ITCHING for DAYS#these are the most unreasonable and confusing tags right here sry#I'm sure I'll laugh about it in a few months looking back at it (´◡`)#icy's art
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watched mouthwashing finally. the fact that i saw people be more aggressive towards curly than jimmy is kinda strange. kinda real weird
#mouthwashing#captain curly#jimmy mouthwashing#i saw people draw fanart of anya. pouring mouthwash on his exposed flesh? as punishment for failing her?#which okay. 1. i dont think shed like that. 2. are we seriously blaming curly for this more than. jimmy. the guy who DID IT?#like okay do not get me wrong. curly is to blame. he made terrible mistakes he did horrible things his inaction is inexcusable#he should have handled the situation better. if he couldnt 'take care' of jimmy (likely) he should have just at least#been there for anya. supported her and comforted her more than he did#im not saying any of it is untrue#hell the aus i saw where anya is angry with curly? where post-recovery shes genuinely mad and to a degree disgusted with him?#great! real! very reasonable! it makes sense it works its everything#but like. some of the people i saw were being straight up vile. for zero reason#'yeah curly deserves to be tortured and like skinned more by anya for closure because of what he did' HAVE WE FORGOTTEN WHO DID IT#WHY IS JIMMY GETTING LEFT OUT OF THIS CONVERSATION. ARE WE FORGETTING WHOS THE LITERAL ASSAULTER?#one of those people also said that if you ship anya and curly you should kys so uhhh not really taking that opinion seriously but. jeez#i dont ship them either for the record i just think telling people to die over it is a little excessive. thats the whole thing really#theyre being really excessive#on a similiar note i saw people say 'nobody on the ship is black and white in morality' and i agree with that about everyone BUT jimmy#for one simple reason. there is never ever a reason to rape someone. not EVER. everyone else has reasons. is complicated#and while jimmy is complicated too obviously that doesnt. like undeniably hes the worst. he is the worst because what he did is just#one of the only crimes that never ever has an explaination that means anything. its always evil
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The Almighty Sheriff!
Save a horse, ride a cowboy~
#respecfully sir: AWOOGA arf arf bark AWOOGA#If this gets 30 notes I'll take his shirt off for yall lol#with his top surgery scars Of course#Ive seen that's a super popular HC for him and I think thats great! Good for him!#Farm boi#no fr working in a farm makes you develop muscles that you didnt even know you had#having flashbacks from highschool when they made us work in the garden for two hours under the scorching afternoon sun#I went to a highschool that was all Ooo we are green thumbs and we shall teach the young ones how to plant and harvest their own food#and my god that shit was so physically demanding mate#i didnt had my diagnosis on how horribly mangled my body was So I had to work in the farm thing like all the others and try not to pass out#even the jocks that were fit and always running and playing football during all the recesses were dead quiet after working outside#and all that those classes did for me was to create a hatred for working in any type of gardening activity so they failed spectaculary lol#SO ANYWAYS my point is Starlo can defo deadlift bags of 70kg\150lbs with one arm without breaking a sweat#undertale yellow#uty#Starlo#Starlo uty#north star uty#myart
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Then, on his arrival in Constantinople, after much counsel with himself, considering that he was already unequal to the amount of pressing business and believing that there was no room for delay, on the twenty-eighth of March he brought the aforesaid Valens into one of the suburbs and with the consent of all (for no one ventured to oppose) proclaimed him Augustus. Then he adorned him with the imperial insignia and put a diadem on his head, and brought him back in his own carriage, thus having indeed a lawful partner in his power, but, as the further course of our narrative will show, one who was as compliant as a subordinate. No sooner were these arrangements perfected without disturbance than both emperors were seized with violent and lingering fevers--
AM 26.4.3-4
this was one of those illustrations that was originally supposed to be a 5 page comic until I realized I don't know anything about later roman empire architecture or visuals or art or anything, so we'll revisit that later. maybe
for right now though, these two are fascinating. we have two brothers acting as one body, even becoming ill in tandem with each other, it's giving This Throne Is Cursed. like, the last time I read about emperors coming down with life threatening illnesses, it was Caligula, and that moment in his biography marked a very specific tone shift. I spent the rest of the (first) time reading about Valens and Valentinian waiting for something comparable to Caligula's reign to happen lmao (Dio 59. 8. 1-2)
and since Caligula was already on the mind, I started thinking about Tiberius: I think he would've loved these two since he had a whole thing about twin-ification and brothers and etc etc etc. ofc, Rome is both a Mouth and a Tomb, so it's going to go badly for someone/everyone eventually, but honestly I think that Valentinian and Valens were the best we could've hoped for. like it could've been so much worse
Tiberius and the Heavenly Twins, Edward Champlin
Failure of Empire: Valens and the Roman State in the Fourth Century A.D, Noel Lenski
⭐ I have a tip jar (ko-fi)!
⭐ and other places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app
#(drawing hearts around valens) hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii#roman empire tag#drawing tag#every day i think about valentinian bringing his brother into this and wondering how valens felt about it#especially since the over all arc is that he's constantly just trying to tread water managing everything from six different fronts#did you ever want things to go back to how they were!!!! did you dream of simpler times!!!!!! when it was just hard work and dirt#under your nails instead of the horrible scale of empire choking you out to the very end!!!!!!!!! did you hate your brother for it#im normal about valens. btw. (<<<said by a guy who made valens his icon on his main art blog)#anyway. (claps hands together) im going to go and write about bonifacio and mabini and lucan and crassus and the pharsalia#and mabini's writings on a failed revolution and bonifacio haunting the collective memory#i gotta condense it down to a thousand words. ideally. we are rambling around at around 2k and its unwieldy#valens#valentinian I#later Roman Empire tag
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we give garp a lot of (rightly deserved) shit but unironically like 90% of the criticisms towards him i see not only ignore the wider worldbuilding context of one piece but also don't acknowledge how sengoku is like the worst friend ever
#like in the world of OP its fully acknowledged and present that most pirates are like Kidd (ie violent against normal citizens)#and Garp is stated to be one of the pillars preserving peace not unlike how Whitebeard also did#but even then theres like 4 moments in marineford off the top of my head where garp WAS gonna betray the Marines#and it was Sengoku holding him back snd trapping him each time#and even beyond all this one of the themes behind marineford is that they all chose their paths and have to live with the consequences#luffy and ace chose their paths knowing full well it would make garp their enemy and garp had his hands tied entirely at marineford#and even then garp let luffy pass him!! garp could have easily stopped luffy and didn't. like he did choose them in the end as well#anyways garp does absolutely deserve a sock in the jaw because he strikes me as someone who wanted to change the system from the inside#but he failed. and like for all that koby and smoker are 'good' marines theres also not nearly the same amount of criticism towards them for#yknow. working for the marines knowing full well theyre a horrible organization#in any case i want to punch garp and strangle sengoku. oh ace is too evil to leave alive but law is perfectly ok huh sengoku????#one piece#zerav meta#garp
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To be fair to "illario is bad at lying" I don't think he had a contingency plan for "my cousin who I tried to have murdered came back after a whole year of being tortured in an underwater prison by the lady I've been sleeping with and he's an abomination now, also I have to pretend my grandma got murdered." His plan got monumentally fucked up
THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYIINNGGG. no matter how good or bad you are, i do not seriously think there’s a way to prepare for all that and then execute a follow up plan that’s not just “oh fuck i gotta do something” i think. of course this could have been avoided if he just killed lucanis himself but i like to think he has a heart in there
#literally went back on my posts to consider when ive said ‘illario is bad at lying’#because i of all people on this site am the one most likely to exaggerate how good he is at his work#if ur talking about the one where i said ‘illario is bad at lying’ and followed it up with ‘i dont think he should be’ then#yeah i dont think he should be#if i got the chance to drive his character he would be more competent AND liked and very#like obviously fill out the skill sets lucanis doesnt have. and not make it obvious that hes the villian#eg. the funeral talk lol. he spends that whole conversation going#’grandma’s ashes. the ashes for the funeral. the funeral ashes. grandma’s ashes for thr funeral. sure okay. i have to go’#which teia actually does believe is grief since she compares it to how he was when lucanis ‘died’#so ya know . not horrible. believable enough to fool talons!#if u have come from that mile long illario textpost then know ive had to sit thru#people calling him stupid . HES NOT . he was faced with the stupid topsiest turviest situation of all time#take rook and getting hired out of this equation and illario would have done it#he would have failed at a later stage because this implies he kills anyone who actually likes him#but he would have succeeded for about a week. and then he would get killed. lol#like i do think he is stupid for trusting a venatori to keep her word HOWEVERRRR. he was pretty good at the lying part!
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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i love bringing anti-establishment vibes into the establishment
#im radicalizing my coworkers#but also im like why are yall not as antiestablishment for me when the corporation we work for is obviously horrible#the pharmacist literally got yelled at (not even hyperbolic) for taking off around christmas#luckily the store was closed on christmas day itself#but like bruh#then we literally have severe understaffing making unsafe working conditions for the patients#and we are all running around like a chicken w our heads cut off all shift#im like guys we are all slaves to the corporation#and theyre all making even less money than i am and i dont even make that much#except the pharmacist of course#idk how everyone doesnt have my very anti-establishment mindset#but anyway#i hope my pharmacist didnt take what i said as an insult#i just said that the corporation is forcing one pharmacist to check 8 million prescriptions in 5 seconds#and when you work faster than you should it causes more mistakes#but that was after my one coworker said but (pharmacist name#) does it#so i hope she didnt take that as a dig at her#bc shes writing my recommendations LMAO#and also just bc i like her#bc shes just doing the best in a system that has set her up to fail#its not her fault#she's a good pharmacist#but in this environment safety or patient care is not the priority profit is#and they literally just cut the store hours again#so theyre just making it even worse
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update time
WE'RE IN THE HOME STRETCH NOW GAMERS
incase its not clear, anything with the blue shit on it is not yet painted at all yet. margaret's hair will be easier than the other two's because its blurry and its mostly shapes instead of individual hairs. my entire day was spent just painting these idiots' clothes.
also worked on bjs mouth and moustache more. still wanna fix up hawkeye's mouth and eyes a little but thats tomorrows issue, i need rest.
I am very sleepy. i will go to bed at 1 instead of 2 am tonight [no i wont, but i WILL lie down at 1 instead of 2]
tomorrow, we finish. i realize it looks like theres a lot of blue on the screen but you must understand. doing blurry un-detailed things takes less than half of the time it takes to do a small portion of a face. i will persevere
#mash#mash 4077#m*a*s*h#mash fanart#mash art#mashblogging#work in progress#hawkeye pierce#bj hunnicutt#.update#.my art#chapter 2 of the fanfic is well underway. have most of an outline and everything#i do NOT recommend making at least 1000 streaks of hair in between mashing bananas for banana bread#my right wrist is ruined#how ever will i crochet now!!#<-has not crocheted in 4 years#i also am compiling a list of new conspiracies. at least one of which im fairly certain is true#based solely on logic of how the scene happens#like with the broken finger thing in the last one#like its genuinely prolly what happened#godspeed godbless crags fail to trip your feet etc etc smooches#also a click beetle just appeared on me while i was drawing. horrible moment#didnt know what was happening and there was just a lil guy hopping all over me#do not recommend in the slightest 0 stars
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not the final version or whatever but take this lloyd design concept i made today
(lloyd is supposed to look inbetween 10-13, not sure if i succeeded)
#ninjago#lego ninjago#digital drawing#digital art#ninjago fanart#ninjago lloyd#ninjago headcanons#ninjago lloyd garmadon#lloyd garmadon#lloyd ninjago#ninjago lloyd montgomery garmadon#wip#work in progress#kid lloyds hair is inspired by the main character from butterfly effects child self#because ninjago is set in the 2010s#the 2010s tried to mimick the 80s and early 90s a lot (and failed miserably) but you could still see the influence#so lloyd having that horrible bowl cut remined me a ot about how popular bowl cut was from the 80s to early 2010s when i was a kid#i remember a lot of boys i knew had those cuts and when able to choose their cuts they chose the shortest ones#and since ninjagos early seasons have a lot of subtle references to the 80s and 80s story tropes (aka the chosen one)#i thought giving him the 2000s bowl cut from butterfly effect fair#anyway hope yall like it#i havent even finished nya's design and here i am#gonna make everyones and do a line up up til dragons rising sometime
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Hey I'm graduating college in may and I just kinda realized that I'll be Done Done with school after that. Not fake-done like I was graduating high school, where I'd have to go to college at the start of the fall. And not fake-done like I was in any of my semesters I took off.
Done Done. As in I accomplished my degree, and I won't ever have to go back to school if I don't want to. What a beautiful, beautiful thought.
#speculation nation#i enjoy learning but not in school. school is the soul killer. there's a reason it's taking me 10 years to get my bachelors.#failed classes and switched majors and part time school (so i could work and pay my way thru) and semesters taken off...#for 9 and a half years now it's been a fucking shadow hanging over my head.#just gotta keep going just gotta persevere. slow and steady wins the race.#and well im nearly there now. holy fuck tho i didnt miss full time school lmfao#i went to part time a few years back to save my fuckin self bc it was just *impossible* to do full time school And work to support myself.#and even part time school plus a job was horrible. but i did it anyways.#and here i am now with my lovely life insurance from my awful paternal death. life sure happens as it will huh.#which will let me complete school in a neat 10 years. graduated high school in 2015 and college in 2025. wild.#not glad my dad died but im grateful that ive gotten this opportunity afterwards.#sure is strange the ways life goes.#anyways yeah im in deadlines hell rn with all these fucking projects but ONCE I FINISH THEM#i will be done with this semester. my second to last semester.#theyre releasing class schedules today for next semester too and im a little antsy. cant edit until next week regardless#but i wanna KNOWWWWW what i got. best case scenario i get my 3 classes i need to graduate#plus my orchestra and bowling. so i have a full 12 credit hours. to be full time still.#im scared of not having gotten 3 classes bc theyre selectives yea so i dont need These classes Specifically#but also it'll be a pain in my fucking ass if i have to go scrounging. and i wanna have my first choices...#but we'll see. i selected several fall-through options and i dont need any single specific class to graduate.#so long as i have 3... thatll be enough...#AUGHHHHH college!!!! im almost done!!!!! i might get straight As this semester!!!!!! exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i need to email my professor about setting up the book meeting lol. i should do that today.
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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The stupid streaming service website has decided that I am forbidden from watching Ted Lasso, specifically. I have tried six times and every time there is some sort of critical error. Usually it just freezes but on one memorable occasion everything was in French and it wouldn't let me change the language preferences.
#this is not a streaming website anyone's likely to have heard of. it's called simply the best tv (it's the worst actually) and you get it if#you have starlink internet. which is unfortunately the least malfunctioning internet option if you live in the middle of nowhere like#my parents do. anyways it has nearly every show and movie you can think of BUT it only works half the time. infuriating.#like everything elon musk and his associates have ever created it's very ambitious and egregiously fails to deliver#hylian rambles#it never works in firefox. i have to use edge. i hate edge.#and its search engine requires that you spell everything perfectly or you'll get no results#it has the bare minimum of buttons and settings and no captions ever. or language settings! that's why i couldn't get it out of french!#it's horribly organized so you gotta know exactly what you're looking for or you'll never find anything good amidst the heap of stuff#also no one in my family has ever intentionally watched things in french on here. even though my sibling speaks it. they just don't bother#to fight with this thing because it's Simply The Worst
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